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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27537874">Take My Life (Set Me Free)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MalecAcid/pseuds/MalecAcid'>MalecAcid</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Umbrella Academy (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Actually tho how, Angst, Ben Hargreeves Deserves Better, Ben Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Ben Hargreeves-centric, Gen, Good Sibling Klaus Hargreeves, How Do I Tag, Klaus Hargreeves Deserves Better, Klaus Hargreeves Needs A Hug, No Incest, Pre-Canon, Vanya Hargreeves Deserves Better, Vanya Hargreeves Needs A Hug, idk what im doing, this is sad im sad</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 03:02:37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,427</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27537874</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/MalecAcid/pseuds/MalecAcid</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Were all of his siblings afraid of him? Was mom? Was Pogo? Did they think that he would hurt them?</p><p>Would he? </p><p>OR </p><p>Ben Hargreeves needs a hug and gets one after a little bit of pain.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ben Hargreeves &amp; Klaus Hargreeves, Ben Hargreeves &amp; Vanya Hargreeves</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>93</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Take My Life (Set Me Free)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Oki so!! This fic used to be a part of a one shot collection called Istanbul (not constantinople) but I decided to break the fics up so they're by themselves instead!! So if you recognize this I promise I didn't just copy it jrjsjdjs like it's my fic I didn't steal it I promise 😔😔😔 </p><p>Anyways this was actually evelinaonline 's concept that she let me write!! Pls go look at her fics bc they're amazing and I love her v much kfkskdksk </p><p>Fic title is from the song Not Today by imagine dragons!! It literally has nothing to do with the fic but. I'm trying to use at least one lyric from every song on my Ben playlist for five titles so KDNSKDKKDKDKD who looks at titles anyways right?</p><p>Anyways I hope you liked 🥺🥺</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first time his siblings saw the horror, they were afraid. Afraid of him. </p><p>And he understood, of course. He was scared too. Scared that he wouldn't be able to control these things that were a part of him. Scared that he would lose control. Scared that he would kill everyone and everything around him, including himself.</p><p>They were only six years old. Six years old when their father decided to train them together while they used their powers. And Ben was scared. He was so scared. </p><p>The mix of Reginald yelling at him to release the horror, to break down the podiums that he had set up, and the confused glances from his siblings was enough to make Ben nervous. He didn't want to let the beings in his stomach free, he didn't want them to hurt his siblings. </p><p>He remembered the first time his father made him release the horror while Grace and Pogo watched from the side. He hesitantly allowed the tentacles to tear open his stomach, screaming as the hole ripped open wider and wider while they moved around wildly, destroying anything and everything in their path.</p><p>That was when Grace decided to walk forward, but before she could take her second step the horror knocked into her, sending her across the room and into the wall and she wasn't moving. She wasn't moving and Ben screamed louder and the horror went back into his stomach, sealing the hole behind itself as Ben ran to his mom. </p><p>Pogo moved him gently out of the way, coming up to Grace and doing something to her arm that Ben couldn't see. When she got up as if nothing had happened, he took a startled step back before running forward and wrapping his arms around her, mumbling the words 'I'm sorry' over and over again as he sobbed. </p><p>That was two years ago, and Ben hadn't released the horror with anyone but his father around since. What if he hurt one of his siblings? What if Pogo couldn't fix them like he was able to fix mom? </p><p>Ben wasn't scared. He was terrified. Terrified that he would hurt his siblings, terrified that they would die and it would be his fault because he was a monster. </p><p>He threw nervous glances at them while they looked at him, confused. Unknowing of the power that he had. Unknowing of the monster that he was. </p><p>He took a deep breath, and turned to the podiums. He screamed as his stomach tore open, not hearing the way his father told his siblings to step back. </p><p>He screamed as the horror crashed into a pillar, and then another one, and then the last one, swinging wildly with no other targets to attack. </p><p>He screamed even louder, throat starting to hurt as he begged them to please, please go back, and they retreated into his stomach, repairing the hole that they had made and only leaving a faint scar behind. </p><p>He folded into himself, clutching at his stomach tightly before straightening up to turn and face his siblings. </p><p>He stepped back at the horrified looks on their faces, and the tears on a few of their cheeks. </p><p>He looked at all of them slowly before turning to Vanya, who had dropped her whistle and had a hand over her mouth while tears leaked from her eyes. </p><p>He ran from the room and into his own, slamming the door behind him and collapsing onto his bed. His siblings didn't come after him. </p><p>That was ten years ago, though. Ben had thought that his siblings were over it, thought that they were finally used to him now. Thought they were finally used to the fact that their brother was a monster. </p><p>He didn't understand how they were. He wasn't used to it. He was still terrified. </p><p>They were sixteen, now, and he and four of his siblings had just gotten home from a mission. He was exhausted. He was so tired. Tired of missions and the horror. </p><p>He was covered in blood, per usual, and immediately went to shower, scrubbing all of the blood off, attempting to rid himself of the memories, though he knew by now, two years into missions, that they never really left. It didn't matter how many showers he took, the memories of what he had done never faded, never went away like the blood did. </p><p>When he finished, he threw on a new uniform, throwing the bloodied one into the trash, and walked quickly into his room, shutting the door after him and quieting his siblings voices as they talked in the halls.</p><p>He sat on his bed for only a second before the sound of Vanya playing her violin drifted under his door. He closed his eyes as he listened, but when the tone of the song seemed to grow sad, he stood up from his bed and walked slowly to his door. </p><p>He opened it quietly and walked through the open door of Vanya's room, sitting on her bed as she continued to play, her eyes closed and face sad. </p><p>When she finished the song, she set her violin down and turned to face him, a questioning look in her eyes, wondering why he had come in here. </p><p>"What's wrong?" He asked quietly, and she shook her head. </p><p>"I just… I miss him." She said softly, head turned towards the ground, and Ben sighed as he stood up. </p><p>He took a step closer to her as he opened his arms, but before he could move closer or say a word, Vanya flinched backwards so violently that she almost fell over. </p><p>He snatched his arms back and almost fell over himself as he looked at her, horrified. Before she could protest, he spun around and walked quickly out of her room and down the hall. </p><p>"Ben!" She called out, running after him. "Ben, Wait!" Before she could say anything else, he slammed the door to his room and collapsed into his bed, covering his hands with his eyes as he listened to her walk away, the sound of her steps slowly getting quieter and quieter. </p><p>She was scared of him. She's always been scared of him. He was supposed to protect her, but she was scared. She thought he was going to kill her. She thought he was going to hurt her. </p><p>He scrubbed his hands over his eyes roughly, drying the tears that wouldn't fall. </p><p>Were all of his siblings afraid of him? Was mom? Was Pogo? Did they think that he would hurt them?</p><p>Would he? </p><p>Would he lose control of the horror and kill the only people he's ever known? Would they be scared of him forever?</p><p>He crossed his arms over his chest and hit his head against the wall lightly, squeezing his arms together tightly in an attempt to steel himself, in an attempt to calm the beings in his stomach that had caused this in the first place. </p><p>He uncrossed his arms quickly and clutched at his stomach tightly. He wished he could stop. He wished that his siblings weren't afraid of him. He wished that he wasn't afraid of himself. </p><p>Minutes later, he saw a pair of feet walk up to his door. They stood silently for a short second before knocking. </p><p>"Ben?" The voice, Klaus, said softly. "Ben, are you…" He trailed off, and Ben heard a thump against the door, presumably Klaus bumping his head against it. "Are you okay?" </p><p>Ben didn't respond, only bit his lip in hopes that he would walk away, but he didn't. Ben knew he wouldn't. </p><p>Instead, he twisted the door handle, and opened the door slowly. Ben turned away, leaning against the wall as he sat on the bed, eyes glued to the floor. </p><p>Klaus sighed and walked into the room, turning to close the door before coming to sit on the bed next to Ben. </p><p>Klaus didn't say anything, only opened his arms slowly to wrap around Ben, and Ben could have cried when he went to hug Klaus and he didn't flinch. He didn't flinch and Ben could've cried. He did cry. </p><p>"Are you scared of me?" Ben asked tearfully, and Klaus shook his head, looking the most sober he had in years. </p><p>"No. Vanya's not either." He said, and Ben quickly shook his head. </p><p>"She is. She's scared of me. I'm scared." He said quietly, and Klaus hugged him tighter, but didn't say anything. </p><p>Would Vanya be afraid of him forever? </p><p>He died before he got the chance to ask.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm not crying you are</p></blockquote></div></div>
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